OK, so I'm an easy mark [ba-dum-bum] for the New York Times Magazine's oddly compelling celebrity profiles, even if it's yesterday's-news-esque archival. (Lurid confessions and retro-glam imagery certainly help.)

In this case, the kicker: legendary 84-year-old lothario vows to "spend the rest of my life" with 24-year-old fiancée, Anna Nicole...I mean, Crystal Harris.